Patronizing Attitudes

As she looked into the refrigerator, her husband said, "There are some great blueberries in there you are welcome to." Subtle but definite: A "Mad Men" moment, a flashback from the 1960s. A "permission granted by the generous patriarch of the house" attitude permeated those spoken words. Sometimes in an effort to be what the husband believes is polite, he sounds less than what a woman might believe is erudite. The couple both lived through the Mad Men decades, yet only the woman experienced the sexist inequities in family, education, and career. The husband has been an unaware observer. I recall a vivid scene in Children of a Lesser God in which Marlee Matlin's character confronts William Hurt's character who stops listening to his beloved music because she cannot enjoy it, hear it, with him. Then in Pretty Woman, Julia Roberts' character comments to Richard Gere's character, "You just did [treat me like a prostitute]." The kitchen scene and the movie scenes perpetuate the sexism and discrimination from an assumed power role, that of the man. Embedded attitudes die slowly.

Nicknames

I have had a bunch of nicknames over the rolling years of my lifetime. The list begins with "Teentsy," a word my older brother created to describe me after I came home from the hospital a couple of days after I was born. In college, friends called me "Tiny," except when they called me "Clod" for being clumsy or stumbling. I could not do anything about the diminuative terms, so I worked hard at achieving some level of coordination in my young twenties. That is when I took up backpacking into the wilderness, running mesa paths, downhill skiing, snowmobiling mountain vistas, and motorcycling "thank-you ma'ams" along old logging roads. I triumphantly trampled "Clod." Next came, "Iron Pants," the name male colleagues gave me as they referred to me in the faculty lounge. The moniker had nothing to do with my teaching, but rather my determination to stand up to their sexist remarks and other harassing nonsense. Then came "Honey," "Mommy," "Mom," "my favorite aunt," "Love," "Step-mom," "Professor," "Business Owner," "President," and "Gramma Karen." My nicknames provide a timeline, a list of accomplishments and a chronicle of roles. Well, at least they do until a family member calls me "Teentsy."