Giving Feedback

Five simple questions can help you decide what to say and how to phrase your message, comment, or feedback:
1. Is it timely?
Determine if now is the appropriate time and place. Praise can be public, yet criticism should be private. If you say a negative and follow it minutes later with a positive, it stands to reason the receiver will probably be confused and distrustful because of the mixed message. Therefore, your transitions and explanations of the shift in focus become essential. Example: “Your behavior is unacceptable. I cannot allow it to continue….. You are a highly skilled technician whose work we value.” Turn this around: “You are a highly skilled technician whose work we value. So, let’s talk about what just happened. Tell me what caused that behavior.”
2. Is it truthful?
Use gentle honesty rather than cruel honesty. Use questions to get at painful reality. Example: “How might that behavior affect the team’s morale?” rather than “You have a negative impact on the team’s morale.” We all tend to believe what we say, so asking a question to encourage someone to say the truth is more effective than telling that person what you perceive the truth to be. Besides, you will also get information regarding that person’s interpretation of reality by listening to the answer.
3. Is it wanted?
Remember to get permission before delivering feedback or instruction. Example: “Would you like to know an easier or faster way of doing that task?” This gets buy-in that can lead to a committed change in behavior or perspective.
4. Is it helpful?
Some people flourish on negative attention, so they may want what is not helpful. Strange but true! Determine if someone can grow or be productive as a result of this message. Complaining and criticizing is not helpful without coaching. Telling someone what not to do is a waste of time if you cannot share with them what to do.
5. Is it respectful?
Check the wording and tone of the message to save face and protect dignity. Avoid limiting language, inflammatory wording, and biased perspectives.
When you have five affirmative answers to those questions, you have a successful communication. If any one of those answers is no, you will want to think about your message; content, context, and intent some more.