Need To

This week I read a card positioned on the receptionist's desk at one of the "100 Best Places to Work." The card showed the smiling face of a caucasian male who had a freshly shaven face and a slightly graying head of hair. The man wore a blue Oxford button-down collared shirt, accessorized with a burgundy patterned tie in a Winsor knot. (The visual made me wonder about diversity in this corporation. I remember a friend with a minority ethnic background telling me that omissions are as powerful as testimonials. I wondered if the omission of people of color and people with gender and generation diversity was merely ignorance in the marketing and HR departments, and/or if homogeneity was the norm at this establishment.)

The card said: "MOVING YOU FORWARD." The card continued: "Thank you for expressing an interest in employment opportunities at ____." In this economy and marketplace, it is warming to think an employer cares about the potential job applicant.

The card's next text gave a directive: "To formally consider you for a position, we need you to apply using our online recruitment system." Where I got bogged down was "we need you to." Why not say "please," a pleasantry instead of the wordiness and "bossiness" of the chosen words? So, the visual on the card and the directive are consistent, and together they overpower the warmth of the heading and the first line. Too bad. That lack of consistency in tone suggests a lack of cohesion, often experienced as a lack of sincerity. If the applicant does not "fit in," the person has no value to this corporation. Those who "fit in" will certainly be of like minds (skins and bodies?) and ratings on surveys of their employer: one of 100 "best." After electronically submitting "your resume, cover letter and transcript," the card said, "We appreciate your interest in pursuing a career at ____."

I have found the expression "need to" is camoflage for "do it or suffer the consequences." On the surface, it appears to be a power-play. I witnessed the impact of those words on inmates in a state men's prison years ago when I was a criminology student. The guards said to any prisoner they selected, "You need to stand with your feet apart,...." Years later, I taught Distance Parenting Skills to incarcerated mothers in another state's institution. The guards used the same language with visitors and inmates, "You need to...." I have also heard teachers in an inner-city school tell students what those children "need to" do. Teachers would then talk to the parents the same way! Once, I helped an employee of my son's company by providing transportation round-trip from his work-release program. He told me, "You need to take me to Wal-Mart." I explained the tone of his words and he did not fully appreciate my position. I said, "When you give me the courtesy of asking politely to do you a favor, I am glad to take you there before taking you back for the nightly check-in. Otherwise, I am not obligated to give you a ride anywhere."

Still another event caused me to experience the underside of those words that made me pause and reflect. As a single parent in total frustration to the Nth degree one time, I told my own children, "I need you to mind me right now!" Ah-ha! "need to" is not only a power-play in words, it is a plea for compliance! Behind the words "need to" is insecurity and desperation. Guards may be scared of inmates and adults may be scared of children! If the receiver of "need to" does not "do it," the sender of the words may have to "suffer the consequences."
Hm, perhaps some employers are scared of their employees. Just a thought....
Words can be revealing or misleading--so begin the conversation to make the real connections.

Respect or Dignity?

Students are taught to respect one another in the classrooms, hallways, lunchrooms, and playgrounds. Employees are instructed to respect one another in parking lots, elevators, offices, plant floors, labs, conference rooms, breakrooms, and mailrooms.
Hogwash!

We do not have to respect one another! What we have to do is treat one another with respect. Respect means to admire another, perhaps to agree with another, to give high esteem, to regard with honor. What happens, then, when I interact with someone who is as ubiquitous as a planter's wart, who is as clueless as a a missing puzzle piece, or who is as irritating as TV commercials in the last 10 minutes of an exciting movie? I cannot honor the person's character or agree with the person's thinking, and nothing about the person's demeanor inspires me. In schools and in the workplace, I must find a way to interact with dignity: to maintain the other person's dignity is the only way to maintain my own. We must treat one another with respect, even when we do not respect one another. To do less would jeopardize dignity, the foundation of individuality and of diversity.