Love--Tough or Unconditional?

Love belongs to the list of most persuasive words in American English, according to Yale University. I hear "tough love" in parenting circles and "unconditional love" in spiritual circles. My experience is "tough love" excuses abdicating one's influence with a loved one who is making "bad choices." It seems that tough lovers believe staying around and avoiding an ultimatum results in enabling a person by sheltering that person from accountability, self-responsibility, and natural consequences. Although "unconditional love" says the regard for another is unbounded,it can still place conditions on behaviors. The latter is love that is tough enough to endure poor decisions, substance addictions, and negative predictions. I asked my dad why he did not advocate for tough love with my sister when she acted out as a teen. He said, "If I kick her out of the house, I will not be present to influence her future decisions. I want her to make better choices, not feel unloved." As as teacher and mediator, I have encountered countless teens and young adults who have struggled with the loss and grief of a missing family. They flounder in self-pity, blaming, and alienation in reaction to tough love. In contrast, unconditional love helps loved ones survive through hope, presence, and an unwillingness to give up on each other. Although personal change does not come easily, we all have the right to grow into a higher personhood than where we are today. Loving and liking unconditionally allows us each to follow the continuum at our own pace with caring encouragement (not enabling) at our side.