Avoid "You Need To"--Even if They Do Need To!

"You need to..." stirs the embers in me. I immediately want to yell, "No I do not need to...." I became aware of this expression years back when I was teaching parenting skills with a training group at the Women's Correctional Institute in Topeka, Kansas. The guards led with that expression when they spoke to many of the inmates. "You need to take responsibility. You need to be silent. You need to do what you are told. You need to calm down. You need to--." It seemed to be to be a power-tripping command statement which was condescending to the receiver. It burns me to hear it from anyone in the workplace. Later, I became aware of the expression while watching overwelmed and tired parents in grocery stores. "You need to stop hitting your brother. You need to listen to me. You need to leave that stuff alone. You need to quit running around. You need to--." It seemed to me that the expression was used out of a sense of powerlessness which was an abdication of parental effectiveness. It sparks an angry flame in me to hear a teacher say it to my children. Interesting paradox: a power-tripping command or words of powerlessness--neither description is complimentary or professional. Both scenarios demonstrate a misuse of authority inherent in the expression. My suggestion: avoid using that expression--unless, of course you want to offend or charbroil the receiver!

SMARTS-S Goals

The Art of Talking So People Will Listen, by Paul W. Swets, was the first place in print that I read about SMART goals. Now I hear about SMART goals in every organization I work. The S represents specific, the M is measureable, the A is either affirmative or agreed, the R stands for realistic, and the T means time-bound. Goals that are specific rather than general, measurable rather than abstract or vague, affirmative and agreed rather than negative and assigned, realistic rather than idealistic beyond actuality--are achieveable. Yet, we have been duped into thinking that's all there is to pursuing success.

With all due respect, I believe a crucial element has been omitted: the final S. SMART-S goals add a second S for supported. Most goals fail because they are not supported by the employee's peer group, supervisors, and families of origin and invitation. We do not achieve goals in a vacuum. A famous Harvard University study showed that writing out goals made them definite guideposts, and later dedicated signposts, in graduates' lives. I wonder how many of those successful graduates shared the written goals with their support systems. I bet many did! The social, political, financial, and familial contexts impact the success potential of our human efforts. Make sure you have a personal support system and a professional support group that create an encouraging and hope-filled environment in which you can receive nurture and reach success. Without that support, the odds are stacked in favor of frustration, failure, or forfeiture. Who are your supporters? Connect with them and ask them to share affirmations and resources with you.

Safety at Every Meeting

One of the best "best practices" I've ever witnessed was during Burlington Northern Santa Fe (BNSF) Railroad training. I was teaching train-the-trainer in Overland Park, KS. Each morning session began with a point person asking for five people who were willing and able to serve the group of participants. Each person would be accountable for one of the following:
1. To deliver CPR, if necessary.
2. To apply the defibrilator device, if necessary.
3. To give the headcount to first responders or rescuers, if necessary.
4. To assist any self-identified person(s) within the group during an emergency evacuation.
5. To call 9-1-1, if nercessary.
I invite you to propose a consistent and comprehensive system for basic safety and survival at all of your organization's meetings. Two minutes to assign volunteers brings life-saving skills and safety commitments to the forefront of all attendees' minds. As an outside consultant at BNSF, I felt reassured that a heart attack, a fire, or a terrorist would be foiled in any dastardly attempt to expire me.
Now get or renew your CPR certification!